Quotations and Literature Forum

Here is a short poem I wrote. I would like some feed back on it. Please be honest. Thank you

Lost in the Darkness

My thoughts are mindless and blurred
The same thoughts from years ago
I am left lost and scared
From with in the darkness I hear
The same cold voice of death
Whispering bittersweet promises in my ear
Damned and ruined old monsters gather around
From a life unknown to me
The dark consumes my very self
Until there is nothing left of me
Then suddenly the bright blessed light finds me
And once more I am set free
Where I wait to be taken again

_________________
Blossom

enjoyed your short poem.Written with feeling and a little sad.

That's really nice. A little melancholy, and circular.

_________________
"As long as you can laugh at yourself you will never cease to be amused." ~Anonymous

woah, dark man. Nice ending. I would criticize you but, alas i am no teacher, i hold no degree, and whatever i say could indeterminably affect your life.

_________________
Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke

I like how it ends where it started.

"I am left lost and scared " can be elaborated a bit more.

"Whispering bittersweet promises in my ear " What kind of promises?

"The dark consumes my very self
Until there is nothing left of me " The imagery can be stronger.

"Then suddenly the bright blessed light finds me " I like the alliteration and the paradox of "blessed light".

More description of the setting might help create the mood.

Generally, I think this is a great poem~ keep it up! ^_^

I felt it's kind of gothic but it's what makes it amazing!! I remember feeling this way so I can totally relate!! gr8 job
Rana

_________________
'One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.'
~Sophocles

I myself am a poet. I write darkly, and have been told that I write much like Edgar Alan Poe. The best thing about poetry is that there are no rules. What you say comes from the heart, if it were written any other way, it would not be your true words. There need not be any more explanation to what you write or added words. That is the beauty of poetry, it leaves people to paint what they think it means in their minds. The storyteller is the only one that knows the true meaning behind it, and thats the way it should stay unless they are asked to explain. Keep up the good work. I love the poem.

Best Wishes,
Raven

_________________
"You must learn there is a time to speak all of the truth, and a time to govern your tongue."
~Verin (The Wheel of Time)