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 Post subject: poem / dreams
PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 5:11 pm 
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last night I was thinking of us and the times we stood on the beach how nice you were but now we're apart except in our dreams in our dreams we are here together talking under the silver moon kissing and dancing under its light dreams for no matter the journey I will always love you for we are perfect together in our dreams..


please let me know what you think bye posting a message. :D :D


kylie


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 3:50 pm 
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I think it requires more of expression to it....

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 4:14 pm 
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Sounds more like a love letter than a poem to me. The phrasing is trite.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:43 pm 
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The thoughts are absolutely beautiful. Don't lose that idea! I would suggest using words that flow together a little more. But like I said, ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS!

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 9:40 am 
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I really like the line that says "We are perfect together in our dreams" its so true that everything seems to be perfect in our dreams.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 2:32 pm 
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I'm not any good, but why don't you try to rephrase it to sound more better.

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