Read books online
at our other site:
The Literature Page
|
Quotations and Literature Forum
View unanswered posts | View active topics
 
|
Page 1 of 1
|
[ 6 posts ] |
|
|
ishrat
|
 Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 3:50 pm |
|
 |
| Quote Guru |
 |
Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2003 12:36 pm
Posts: 3608
|
|
I think it requires more of expression to it....
_________________
Ishrat Noor Khan
|
|
| Top |
|
 |
|
Phaedrus
|
Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 4:14 pm |
|
|
| Moderator |
 |
Joined: Wed Apr 03, 2002 5:35 am
Posts: 1607
|
|
Sounds more like a love letter than a poem to me. The phrasing is trite.
|
|
| Top |
|
|
|
truckernun
|
Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:43 pm |
|
|
| Member |
 |
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 3:09 pm
Posts: 53
Location: somewhere between Mars and Jupiter
|
|
The thoughts are absolutely beautiful. Don't lose that idea! I would suggest using words that flow together a little more. But like I said, ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS!
_________________
Life without chocolate would be darkness and chaos.
~truckernun
|
|
| Top |
|
|
|
enigma
|
Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 9:40 am |
|
|
| QuoteMaster |
|
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2005 1:01 pm
Posts: 125
Location: ANU
|
|
I really like the line that says "We are perfect together in our dreams" its so true that everything seems to be perfect in our dreams.
_________________
He who would have the fruit must climb the tree
|
|
| Top |
|
|
|
ishrat
|
Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 2:32 pm |
|
|
| Quote Guru |
|
Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2003 12:36 pm
Posts: 3608
|
|
I'm not any good, but why don't you try to rephrase it to sound more better.
_________________
Ishrat Noor Khan
|
|
| Top |
|
|
|
|
Page 1 of 1
|
[ 6 posts ] |
|
Who is online |
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests |
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
|
|
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
