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PostPosted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 6:22 pm 
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Location: Nicaragua
Since I'm new here, I want to see how you authors write, since I haven't related with much authors now-a-days. I live in Managua, Nicaragua. Please show me poetry, and I will share also.

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 Post subject: This is one of my own.
PostPosted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 6:30 pm 
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Location: Nicaragua
What do us poets give to the Ice Land?

The virgin Ice Land is homely, painted with a frown
And bathed in solitude. It yearns for the kiss of us poets,
That have fallen in love with it since we discovered
Passion. Infinite rows of rubies and sapphires
Cross their paths constantly while they crave ecstasy.

As we approach the Ice Land with the Black Knight,
--galloping with Inspiration by its side—
We poets, become free.

We arrive.

And plant flowers that bloom in the name of
Love and society. And trees with white beards,
Drop leaves because of human existence.

--And we doubt—
Because we are in the middle of the impetuous fight
Between the Unicorn and the Phoenix.
--And we presence—
The raping of Leda because of the thunderous right
That the Great Zeus has.
--And we contemplate—
Pan jovially coloring the forests with his Panpipe,
While Dionysius talk’s what seems nonsense with
Narcissus barely speaking with hiccups “Do not love…”

And we salute Daphnis and we challenge the deceiving
Three Fates.

Because the Ice Land was green, we poets, give it a rainbow.
Simply or eloquently.
--This is when Mahomet, Jesus, The Rain and The Unknown
become proud—

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 8:59 am 
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Dear Carlos,

As such literaturepage is probably not the greatest source of criticism and feedback, might I suggest www.worddistillery.com as a place to further your writing capabilities.

I enjoyed your references to classic Greeky Mythology, though I admit I'm not familiar with, 'Daphnis,' would you care to enlighten men? I also like the engagement with the audience, presuming them to be of poetical nature, though I'd suggest the collective use of 'we' poets, rather than, 'us poets' which seems to me to be a little informal.

Quote:
And plant flowers that bloom in the name of
Love and society.


This seems to be a fragment, partly by the use of 'that' which implies that there is further description, personally I'd omit the word, or continue.

Quote:
And we presence


Presence is a singular present-tense noun, you require a plural past-tense verb, i.e. And we presented ourselves

Quote:
The raping of Leda because of the thunderous right
That the Great Zeus has


The syntax here requires rearranging to strengthen the line, i.e. ... because of the thunderous right of the Great Zeus- in such a way so that you avoid ending upon 'has.'

Quote:
Pan jovially coloring the forests with his Panpipe,


Finally, make sure each image is given a realistic likeness- how is music visible (to colour the forests?)

Just a few tweaks here and there and this is looking good, keep writing.

-fish are quick!

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 Post subject: Thanks fish are quick.
PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 7:53 pm 
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Location: Nicaragua
I thank you for your help, and your opinion. My first language is spanish, and I orginally write in Spanish, though I do not want to be a non-conformist and improve my writing skills in English. I will consider the constructive critics you bestowed to me, -Daphnis is the founder of pastoral poetry- Thank you again.

I hope that further on, we may share poetry.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 8:09 pm 
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Location: Nicaragua
Does anyone know a forum in Spanish?
8)

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 Post subject: The Angel of the Day
PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2004 6:27 am 
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Location: Jackson, Tennessee
So special is the morning when the light of dawn is nigh.
Her beauty is a treasury that is polished by the heavens.
When I gaze upon her majesty I am pleased beyond delight.
So sacred is the morning, this Angel of the Day.
Dawn smiles with golden rays and her crystal eyes are blue.
She’s the essence of serenity and as precious as a dove.
Her beauty is so flawless and her crimson heart is true.
She’s the essence of divinity and the epitome of love.


PD, 2001


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 Post subject: Old Poem
PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2004 7:58 pm 
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I'll miss these nights when I'm gone - sitting alone in a room, surrounded by the darkness.
Can't you feel the pulsating beat deep within you, longing to be released at last?
Don't you foresee your life leaving your little wrist to glide down the drain in beautiful despair?
I don't want to take this slow, for once; I want to run headlong - get over it fast.

I've finally given in; I've let this old habit become the destruction of the life I built.
I've become what I had began to fear in the only person I loved so deep.
A monsterous, disfigured silhouette in the distance, scars reflecting the moonlight.
And I watch as the tears capture the starlight as I begin to weep.

A quick sigh of relief, crimson stains of no regret lingering on my palm and my wrist.
I know that this is the best decision I never made in my entire time of being.
These screams I never let out, these tears that never seem to fall, explode from my veins.
And I wonder if this is heaven on earth that I seem to be seeing...

Sweet euphoric release of pain and tension, bathing in the bled-out memories.
For once, I'm at peace with myself - cut quick to the core of my pain.
And I've figured out how much I must bleed to get you out from under my skin.
Too bad it's too late to say good riddanec to the dragons I've slain.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 7:34 am 
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Maybe Tomorrow

maybe tomorrow when the world is new

when the darkness has changed to light

when the feeling of doom has passed

when I can see things differently

when I can believe in myself

when I feel right with the world

when I realize "it was there all the time"

when "tomorrow" is now

I will truly live.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2004 3:06 pm 
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Whenever

Whenever i see, the sun in the sky,
i think of your bright shining face.
Whenever i see, a crescent moon at night,
i think of your glowing smile;
your lips as red as a rose in spring.
Whenever i see, a flower in a field, i think of your flowering personality.
how you touch every person that you meet,
so that they can see your beauty.
Whenever i feel, a cool, refreshing breeze on my back,
it’s as if you were right there behind me.
Whenever i see, a star sparkling bright,
i think of your sparkling colourful eyes.
Whenever i see, a flame burning bright,
i think of your heart deep inside.
Whenever i see, a fire burn out,
your beauty fades from my mind.
Whenever i see, leaves brown in the fall,
i think of your everlasting beauty.
eventhough, with winter, leaves and flowers will die;
you shine through the snow and the cloud.
Whenever i see, a bird taking flight,
it lifts my spirits far high.
it fly’s as high as the sun that you are,
and brightens us; every day.
Whenever i feel, the sun’s rays on my skin,
i wonder how it could go.
unlike you, sky becomes dark everyday,
so no beauties of earth can be seen.
the shine of the moon, comes not form the sun,
but from the smile, on your face.
and the brightness of stars, comes from your eyes,
who’s beauty light up night and day.
Whenever I see, true beauty I sigh, and think of when I saw you last.
Whenever I see you I feel happy.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2004 6:23 pm 
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Jonosss wrote:
Whenever

its fly’s as high as the sun that you are,

I know that no one likes critism or corrections but here when you so "fly's" i thought of the insect perhapes flight would work better?
R.T.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2004 6:26 pm 
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To be alone is to have solitude,
To have solitude is to be alone,
But the question is Why do you seek solitude,
or to be alone? To hide away or to face your fears?
R.T.
(i dont know how to properly punctuate this(cant spell either) suggestions would be appreciated.)

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 Post subject: Varweel Mijn Lief
PostPosted: Fri Dec 31, 2004 11:07 am 
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Location: Trinidad and Tobago
Varweel Mijn Lief (Farwell My Love)

It's good to see you'd let me die,
How wonderful to know you'd let me cry.
All the things I said and did for you,
How can you even question if any of it was true.
Selling your soul to dim the light,
How quaint you were always so willing to fight.
For me, for our child
Take a good look at me for I do not hide.
All my tears and sorrows where all because of you,
But I suppose you care not so I shall say adieu.



Copyright ©2004 Anubis Serreta

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"It's better to die on your feet, than live on your knees."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 5:20 am 
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Abuse

Fiery shadows learking in the dark
Watching clouds grow deeper with hatred
The moon looking so pale filled with hollowness
While winds escape the eyes of the evil

Claws piercing the skin like daggers
Teeth gnawing at ones brittle bones
Eager flashing through his eyes
Anticipation burning in his heart

Destiny can only conquor ones helpless grip
While hope shattered by ones chilled cries of agony
He strikes once
With a sensation to great to overcome

Looking into the eyes of the monster
We see the hate we once brought to him
Disgust in his words
As he walks away, into the cold air

Smoke covers the betrayed trails he walks upon
Making sure his steps are to be confidential
Sitting in a cold dungeon
I await his arrival to return


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 1:22 am 
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Location: Across the Lake under the Opera
might i suggest www.eldanore.com as a site with a very good forum for authors of all genres to post and recieve feedback? they have a lot of poetry on there and those of us who post love new readers!

i do not know if there is a spanish section there yet under the languages section though... seeing as i am fairly limited in what i can speak and understand of anything but english, i do not often venture in there....

much love!
~L'elly

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Descent
David Thewlis
He'd been let down so often
His brow was on the floor
But then they found
A small hole in the ground
And let him down some more.


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