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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2003 4:56 am 
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Sgt Fluffy
Sgt Fluffy

Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2003 5:19 am
Posts: 393
Location: London, United Kingdom
:D Loved it, my reply remains the same:

Eagerly awaiting its release in poetry. A masterpiece, I must say. Your use of language and punctuation is flawless. You have mastered the rhyme scheme, and created an excellent flow.

I found your last stanza the most powerful:

Bring down my sweet soul, from where it once lay,
And teach me some lesson that I may cling to.
So I may not linger in doubt all this day,
Instead give me heaven to dwell in with you.


I sometimes find it hard reading this type of rhyme scheme, I don't know why, but this stanza just rolls out of my mouth. What a beauty!

Let's just hope we'll be seeing more of your works. :mrgreen:


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2003 3:59 pm 
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QuoteMaster
QuoteMaster

Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 3:23 pm
Posts: 661
Location: England
Mariantionette- I'm sorry this is only my first reply, nice rhythm and an alluring title.

Before the week’s over and plans are in place,
She will think of the memories so warm and so dear.
Of times better spent and a loving embrace,
When life was so pleasant and lacking in fear.


I know this was posted elsewhere for criticism so I looked through it carefully, you might like a comma in the first stanza after window but otherwise it's very tidy, I'd be interested with Greekboy in seeing some more of your poetry.

-fish are quick!

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"The proper study of mankind is man."
Alexander Pope


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 08, 2003 2:31 pm 
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Member
Member

Joined: Wed Aug 06, 2003 2:40 pm
Posts: 14
Location: Virginia Tech
I actually liked the way it was written. I usually can't "feel" poetry cause I have had a happy childhood, a happy adolescence and enjoying young adulthood, but yours wasn't bad at all

hey, a thumbs up for you

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"Does Nihilism have a future?"
"Uh... Oi Oi Oi!!!"


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